Settling into daycare: how to handle the first two weeks and separation anxiety
Daycare separation anxiety is common. How to plan a gradual start, build a goodbye routine, know what's normal and when to talk to teachers.
Daycare separation anxiety is common, and for most children it eases over the first few weeks. A gradual start, a short and predictable goodbye, and steady contact with the teachers help the most. Tears at drop-off usually tell you your child is attached to you, not that the centre is wrong.
The first two weeks are often harder on parents than children. Here's how to get through them.
Before day one
- Visit together. Spend an hour at the centre with your child before the start date. Let them explore while you stay nearby.
- Talk about it simply. "You'll play at school, eat lunch, have a nap, and Papa will come after nap time."
- Practise short separations. Leave your child with a grandparent or friend for an hour or two in the weeks before.
- Pick a comfort object. A small soft toy or a piece of cloth that smells of home. Ask the centre if it's allowed.
- Share the routine. Tell teachers about naps, food, words your child uses and what soothes them.
If you're still choosing, our guide on how to choose a daycare covers what to look for, including a settling-in policy.
A gradual two-week plan
Most good centres suggest a phased start. Here is one common shape. Your centre may suggest something different, and that's fine.
| Days | What happens |
|---|---|
| 1 to 2 | One to two hours. You stay in the room or nearby. |
| 3 to 4 | Two to three hours. You leave for a short while, then come back. |
| 5 to 6 | Half day, including one meal. |
| 7 to 8 | Half day with a nap. |
| 9 to 10 | Full day, with an earlier pickup if you can. |
Some children breeze through this in a few days. Others need a week or two longer. Every child is different, so follow your child's pace rather than the calendar.
Plan settling in before you return to work, not on your first day back. Our guide to childcare after maternity leave has a full timeline.
The goodbye routine
How you leave matters more than how long you stay.
- Keep it short. Two or three minutes, once your child is with a teacher.
- Keep it the same. The same words, hug and wave every day. Predictability builds trust.
- Always say goodbye. Slipping away while your child is distracted can make the next drop-off harder.
- Tell them when you'll be back, in terms they understand: "after snack", "after nap".
- Leave, even if they cry. Hand over to the teacher and go. Hovering at the door often makes it longer.
It helps if both parents do drop-off sometimes. Children learn that either parent leaves and comes back. See dads and daycare for ideas on sharing it.
What's normal in the first weeks
These are all common while a child adjusts:
- Crying at drop-off, sometimes for a few weeks
- Settling within minutes after you leave
- Being extra clingy, tired or cranky in the evenings
- Eating or napping less at the centre at first
- Sleep changing at home for a while
- Seeming fine for a week, then protesting in week two
That last one surprises many parents. The novelty wears off, and your child realises this is the new routine. It usually passes.
Talking to teachers
Ask:
- How long did my child cry after I left?
- Did they eat, nap and play?
- Who did they go to for comfort?
- What helped them calm down?
- Is there anything you'd like us to do differently at home?
A good centre will tell you honestly, including the hard parts. Clear daily notes help a lot in these weeks. Here's what daily updates to expect.
When to talk to someone
Most settling difficulties ease with time. Talk to the centre if, after several weeks, your child:
- Still cries for a long time after drop-off most days
- Doesn't seem to have bonded with any adult at the centre
- Seems very withdrawn, or upset about going in a way that is new
Also trust what you see. If your child is unhappy with a particular adult, or the centre won't share how the day went, take it seriously. Our list of daycare red flags can help you think it through.
If you're worried about your child's health, sleep or behaviour beyond settling in, speak to your paediatrician. They know your child and can advise you properly.
Looking after yourself
Leaving a crying child is hard. That's okay.
Ask the teacher to message once your child has settled. Avoid big meetings on the first mornings. Give it two to three weeks before deciding it isn't working.
Kribble will bring photos, updates and teacher notes into one feed, which helps when you want to know how the day went.
Frequently asked questions
How long does daycare separation anxiety last?
It varies. Many children settle within two to four weeks, though some take longer. Protests often return briefly after holidays or illness.
Should I sneak out when my child is distracted?
It's usually better to say a short, clear goodbye. Sneaking out can make your child more anxious about when you might disappear next. A predictable routine builds trust.
Is it normal for my child to cry every morning at daycare?
Crying at drop-off is common in the first weeks, and many children stop within minutes of you leaving. Ask teachers how quickly your child settles after you leave. If crying continues for a long time each day after several weeks, talk to the centre.
What is a good settling-in period for daycare?
About two weeks of gradually longer days works for many children, starting with an hour or two while you're nearby. Follow your child's pace and your centre's advice, and plan it before you return to work.