Dads and daycare: why the pickup shouldn't always be mom's job
Dads and daycare pickup: why both parents should be on the forms, the WhatsApp group and the sick-day rota, with practical steps to share childcare fairly.
Daycare pickup, drop-off and sick-day calls work best when both parents share them. Put both of you on the forms, in the parent group and on the emergency list from day one. It's fairer, it's more reliable, and your child gets to know two people who show up.
This isn't about blame. In many homes, the daycare defaults to mum because she was home during leave, or her number went on the form first. Small defaults like that become habits fast.
Why it matters more than it seems
The daycare will call whoever they think of first. If that's always one parent, that parent carries the interruptions: the fever call at 11am, the forgotten spare clothes, the fee reminder.
Sharing it properly helps everyone:
- Your child builds a strong bond with both parents, and gets used to either one at the gate.
- Your partner's career isn't the only one absorbing sick days and early pickups.
- The centre has two reliable contacts, which makes emergencies simpler.
- You know the teachers, the routine and the other parents, so you're not relying on second-hand updates.
Start at the very beginning
The easiest time to share childcare is before the habits form. Ideally, both parents join the search.
- Visit centres together. Two people notice different things. One watches the children, one asks about fees and timings. Our questions to ask on a daycare visit is a useful split list.
- Both names on every form. Admission form, emergency contacts, authorised pickup list, medical consent. Order matters less than both being there.
- Both numbers in the parent group. If the centre uses WhatsApp or an app, both parents should be added.
- Both meet the teachers. Even a five-minute hello helps teachers feel comfortable calling either of you.
For the wider checklist, see how to choose a daycare.
Practical ways to split the load
There's no single fair split. What matters is that you've talked about it, rather than falling into it.
| Task | One simple way to share it |
|---|---|
| Morning drop-off | Whoever starts later, or alternate days |
| Evening pickup | Fixed days each, written in a shared calendar |
| Sick-day calls | Agree in advance who covers which days of the week |
| Packing the bag | Whoever does drop-off checks it the night before |
| Fees and forms | One parent owns it, the other knows where everything is |
| Parent-teacher meetings | Both attend, or take turns |
| Daily updates | Both read them, so neither has to brief the other |
Write it down. A shared calendar works better than good intentions.
The sick-day question
This is where most couples struggle. Children in daycare catch a lot of colds in the first year. Someone has to leave work.
Agree a plan before it happens. Some families split by weekday. Some take turns. Some decide case by case, based on who has the harder meeting that day. Any of these can work, as long as it isn't one person by default.
Then line up backups for days neither of you can do. A grandparent, a neighbour or a single day at another centre. Our guide to backup childcare covers the options.
Talking to your manager
Many dads hesitate to say "I need to leave for pickup." But naming it openly makes it normal, for you and for colleagues who come after you.
Simple ways to raise it:
- Block pickup time in your calendar, like any other meeting.
- Ask about flexible hours or work from home on fixed days.
- Ask HR whether your office has a creche or a tie-up. The government describes India's creche requirement for establishments with 50 or more employees as gender-neutral. Our guide to creches at work in India explains the rules.
When the daycare still calls mum
It happens, even when both of you are on the form. Habits and assumptions run deep.
If it keeps happening, say so kindly: "Please call either of us. I'm the first contact on Tuesdays and Thursdays." Most centres will happily adjust. A good one will already be asking which parent to call first.
Small things that make a big difference
- Learn your child's teacher's name, and the names of a few classmates.
- Know the routine: nap time, snack days, what goes in the bag.
- Read the daily notes yourself. Here's what daily updates to expect.
- Be there for the first week of settling in at least once. See settling into daycare.
None of this is grand. It's just showing up, regularly, as an equal parent.
When Kribble launches, both parents will be able to follow teacher photos, updates and notes in one feed. Neither of you has to be the go-between.
Frequently asked questions
Should both parents be listed as emergency contacts at daycare?
Yes. Both parents should be on the admission form, emergency contact list and authorised pickup list. It gives the centre two reliable contacts and avoids one parent becoming the default.
How can parents split daycare pickup fairly?
Agree fixed days, alternate, or split by work schedules, then write it in a shared calendar. The exact split matters less than talking about it openly instead of falling into a default.
Who should leave work when a child is sick at daycare?
Agree this before it happens. Some families split by weekday, others take turns. Line up a grandparent, neighbour or backup centre for days neither parent can do.
Can fathers use a workplace creche in India?
The creche requirement for establishments with 50 or more employees is described by the government as gender-neutral. Ask your HR team how your employer's creche or tie-up works and who can use it.